Don’t be a martyr! You can die early!


Woman dies at 52 years of age. Her eulogy said that she was such a great mom. She took great care of her children. She was a great wife and was a wonderful daughter for her parents. She was a great oldest sister. She kept her houses meticulous. She was always there for her friends. She was always there to lend a hand. She was selfless and always put others first.

Well, it is no wonder that she died at 52! They did not mention that she was taking care of everybody else but never made time for her. The eulogy should include, “Please don’t be like me, a martyr and take care of yourself while you are taking care of others! You won’t live your life being depressed in silence and die early! If mama’s not happy, ain’t nobody is happy! ”

Mother’s day is in a week. If you are a mother, I hope this story will spark a cord inside you to take actions on taking better care of yourself as you take care of others. You’d be glad you did! Please share it as a gift to anyone you know who could benefit from this story. You may just help improve their quality of life! Like this story.  Share your story or comment below.


Are you stress? You may be an enabler!


I took care of a patient who came in complaining she is stress because she is not sleeping well. When I asked her what is making her stress. She said she is working 2 jobs to make ends meet. I commented that she must have a lot of bills to pay. She replied, “I am not only paying for myself but I am supporting my daughter and her husband who recently moved in with me and they are both unemployed.” I asked how old is her daughter. She said,“27 and the son-in-law is 30 years old!” I was surprised and said “Really? How long are you planning on doing this?” She replied, “I don’t know but I am tired.” I quickly advised her to give her daughter and Son-in-law a date to find jobs and move out. I reinforced that although she thinks she is trying to help all the while being an enabler for them to take advantage of her.

Setting healthy boundaries without feeling guilty is something she needs to practice for stress management. I encourage her to be firm with this matter or else she will continue to let them take advantage of her. She agreed and will start practicing healthy boundaries.

If you are a mom or a care provider, I hope this story will shed some light and help you set limits and healthy boundaries so you won’t be leached.  It is one thing to love someone but not allowing them to take advantage of you!.  Please share this with someone who you know  is going through the same issue.  You just may help them change for the better.  Feel free to share your story below.


Side effects of taking good care of you


Are you sick and tired of feeling sick and tired? Perhaps you take a hand full of prescription drugs for your various conditions which give you a huge list of uncomfortable side effects from headache, dizziness, dry mouth, nausea, vomiting diarrhea decrease libido and the list goes on? Are you so fed up that you want to do something about it? If you haven’t thought about it, you may not be so uncomfortable to make a change. Or perhaps you are so wrapped up with your daily issues that making such interventions are too bothersome.

We are humans, the degree of feeling uncomfortable has to reach to the point of intolerable or shall I say “FED UP” to make a change or else we will not do it. The side effects of taking good care of your self are: You will feel good. You will look good. Your pants will fit better, you will feel comfortable in your own skin, and you will feel less frustrated. The less you are frustrated, the more you can better handle anything frustrating in the world. You are one less person who will take more medications and one less person who will render services to the emergency room. Hence, you will help the whole health care system because you are taking good care of yourself and will help decrease the health care deficit.

People will be intrigued ask you: I saw you then and I see you now, you look so different. You look healthier, happier, younger and thriving. They will wonder what you are doing. Let them guess. The first thing they would ask you is what kind of pills you are taking? What kind of diet and exercise regimen you are on? You must have a gastric bypass or you must have a new lover. They will be curious because they too want to jump on the ban wagon because they too want to get the same results as you. You can answer confidently that you have been paying better attention to yourself by taking better care of yourself, loving yourself, listening to your inner wisdom as to what you want and don’t want, just like when you were a little child. It is not selfish. It is self worth.

No one knows how you feel except for you. Children know themselves like no other. They are very in touch with their spirit. Try putting another spoon of food in their mouth when they don’t want it. They will spit it out. Why do we have to take it? Oh that’s right. We were condition to finish the plate or else we cannot get off the table. We were given the guilt trip that there are so many hungry people in Ethiopia or China. So we buy it. And this is woven into our subconscious. Or as a child what were you told if you fall down? How about some ice-cream to make that boo boo feel better? Leave your subconscious unchecked and you will perpetually do the same thing that you were told and not paying attention on how you feel.

I urge to start listening to your feelings as if this is the very first time you are starting to defrag your brain and start uploading new information. By listening to what you want and honor your mind and body, you will be able to live comfortably in your skin as long as you live. Of course, there is no guarantee that you will live longer. You could walk across the street and get killed. When you take care of yourself, you will feel better in your body for this body host your soul and takes it to another dimension i.e. tomorrow or the next day. Take good care of you and your benefits will come from your effort.